1. Your cat approaches you and says “I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and you are my best friend.”
2. You take a moment to think about how you really feel. Don’t feel pressured to reiterate what your cat has expressed just to avoid an awkward situation. Be true to yourself.
3. You tell your cat, “I have taken a moment to think about how I really feel and I want you to know that I do not feel pressured to reiterate what you have expressed just to avoid an awkward situation.” You take a deep breath and look your cat in the eye and say, “You are my best friend, too.”
4. Your cat sincerely thanks you for your honesty and for being true to yourself and then suggests a best friend trip to the cheese factory which you gladly accept because your shared love of cheese is what your friendship was founded on in the first place. Well that and when you adopted him and he really had no choice in the matter and actually struggled very viciously against it at first. And he peed on your pillows and a lot other things that you love during those first few weeks. And then he somehow grew his testicles back and all the vets at the Humane Society were like, “Our bad,” but they still said you had to be the one to break it to him that he would have to endure a second neutering. And then he said he thought you were doing this on purpose to hurt him and he called you the C-word and you could tell it had just slipped out and he didn’t mean it but it still hurt and then he screamed “This isn’t fair!” and slammed the back door as he stomped out to the back porch and as you sat, defeated at the kitchen table you could see the tip of his Marlboro ignite through the blinds, and you whispered to yourself, “Life isn’t fair.”
6. - 10. And then the next six ways just detail your amazing and hijinx-filled trip to the cheese factory.